Zeus & Me
by Daft Mut
Summary: This is the story of the REAL Zeus, and what whe woman around him think of the king off the gods. This is what happens when Zeus and the wife fall out. Please R & R.
1. Harmonia 1

1 Harmonia  
  
She watched the man. Only watched though, she never got any closer then that. Ever.  
  
What a life she had, one of the best. She would sit there being second best all her life and no one would care. Second best, that's what she was. Never noticed, never talked about and never really there. She sat at the window and cried as she saw her sister and brother go to talk to the boy. Her sister Dianea smiling and laughing and her brother Henleas patted the boy on the back.  
  
Most people didn't make the connection. Even though Dianea and Henleas had the same name as her people still couldn't believe that she, that quiet little girl was related to theses two shining characters. But she had a gift this may not have one her fame or glory but she could do something other people would stare at. She was an individual she was different and that difference would be her ticket to a better life. When she went to place to place people would shout from the roof tops "she is here the beautiful, the amazing Harmonia .But what was she talking about? Unnoticed? Unloved? Ignored? PAH! She wished, at least then her life would be worth writing about. She hated her life. Being popular sucked, talking about cloud formations from 1211224236234574627834687236487236487236487 years ago looked like it might be more fun than this. She would have liked to have said that she hated the attention and thee parties and the boys but they were alright, OK they were fantastic she loved the attention. She would also have liked to say "I have had enough of my life I shall begin another far away over oceans wide to find my true love and I WILL wear trousers!" and typically the goddess Hera would appear in a explosion of gold light and say "now dear you need not resort to running off on this wild trip of madness!" blah blah blah blahdeblah and would show me how great my life was and then I would stay and marry a young man who loves me. Oh joy. But I knew that this would not happen because Hera was temporarily unavailable because she was doing the 'you know you want to' Thing with the girl across the road who was refusing to marry a man who's last name was loseranem. Big surprise, I think not!  
  
So I would have to do something about this myself.  
  
Step one ~ Think of plan  
  
Step two ~ Execute plan  
  
Step three ~ Bask in glory  
  
Well I thought it was a good idea.  
  
First I need to scrutinize the predicament, In Greek, Work out what the hell it is that is pissing me off.  
  
Ok.  
  
So I don't like, erm, well I, I don't get my own way. That's it! I NEVER get what I deserve. Good so what's next?  
  
I must consider an operation to counter my predicament. (Got to think of an answer).  
  
Right.  
  
I could just ask. Yeah? Do you really think so? That could work. I would just go up and say "Mother I have seen a cream dress that would go perfectly with my new shoes" Cool. Now what?  
  
Execute plan  
  
Not so good. Can't I just go state to plan three?  
  
No  
  
But my dad last time I asked him he,  
  
Gave you it!  
  
No he took away the pink dress I love and burned it! And he said that I was a spoilt brat and I needed to learn that I couldn't have everything and if I asked again I would get it proper, like any other kid! Otherwise known as getting battered, physical abuse or a slap around the face.  
  
Oh joy again.  
  
So what can I do?  
  
Oh why is Hera always engaged? Maybe I should make an appointment.  
  
A blaze of golden light filled the room and the almighty Zeus appeared in front of her.  
  
He looked around and then at her.  
  
"This isn't Danae's place is it? He said  
  
"No, sorry. You should have taken the second left when you reached Iomaz"  
  
"To late now, I always forget the left. Well this place will have to do for tonight"  
  
So that's how we met, me and Zeus. 


	2. Hera 1

Hera  
  
Again I let him go! Why do I never bother to put two and two together and maybe think that he may be off with one of his - lady friends to have some 'fun'? Why do I never realise till it is too late? Honesty Hera you have got to get a life! And get a new husband while you're at it I told myself.  
  
He will walk in that door any moment now and sweep me off my feet and say-  
  
"Hera my queen of gods my love, my heart, my strawberry, my life" he said as he swept me off my feet  
  
"Zeus dear" I smiled behind gritted teeth, my smile was like an iceberg, two thirds of it was still beneath!  
  
"So" I said "Who was it this time?"  
  
"What?" he said in that innocent voice he uses when he has been a bad little boy.  
  
"Who was the poor girl you molested last night"  
  
"Firstly, I did NOT molest her" .I snorted.  
  
"Secondly, it was not last night, it was a few hours ago" My eyes widened he was 1208 for god sake how - oh right, Viagra.  
  
"And thirdly it was not a girl, it was a-" he stopped mid sentence and went very red. I should have listened my mother told me I had married a dim- witted, brainless, lumbering, oaf. They say bad things happen when you marry your brother.  
  
"Look honey; don't be mad I was only away because I had a conversation with a most charming girl-"  
  
"Conversation, is that what you call it?" I snapped  
  
He had had enough so he gave me his I'm king of the gods so I can do what I want so there neh neh neh neh neh look.  
  
My god I hate my husband he just goes off and dose what he wants. I had a wee look at my memo pad to take my mind off the fact I was married to an lout/god/brother/(&^%£-##~-)(*/*.  
  
Memo to Me Do not marry ones brother. PS: Ever PPS: Buy pork burgers for tea PPPS: Call mother PPPPS: Do NOT and I mean NOT let mother know she was right  
  
Right I said to myself what to do, I decided to skip tea, I was getting a bit big round the waste anyway. Well too late for the first one, and the second one. So let's see what we have left  
  
Memo to Me Do not marry ones brother. PS: Ever PPS: Buy pork burgers for tea PPPS: Call mother PPPPS: Do NOT and I mean NOT let mother know she was right  
  
Right, so mother it was.  
  
Oh crap.  
  
I started to dial mums number 01456 8776482598034085388578456340033776354762355476235476654767547257446253745723 5475444579345795090685490680598690869869869689509586089860986098668427346572 3265447267547265472654723654723546354763547654236457264572634276.  
  
I hate long distance calls.  
  
"Hi mum it's me Hera"  
  
Silence  
  
"You know your daughter?"  
  
Silence  
  
"The one that marred her brother?"  
  
Silence  
  
"Zeus?"  
  
"Oh, Hera how are you lass, I told you not to marry him"  
  
Silence, she had hung up on me.  
  
How dose she do that? Frankly it's scary. I hate that woman almost as much as I hate my husband, almost.  
  
How did we get stuck together, Zeus and Me? 


	3. Hera 2

Hera  
  
Again I let him go! Why do I never bother to put two and two together and maybe think that he may be off with one of his - lady friends to have some 'fun'? Why do I never realise till it is too late? Honesty Hera you have got to get a life! And get a new husband while you're at it I told myself.  
  
He will walk in that door any moment now and sweep me off my feet and say-  
  
"Hera my queen of gods my love, my heart, my strawberry, my life" he said as he swept me off my feet  
  
"Zeus dear" I smiled behind gritted teeth, my smile was like an iceberg, two thirds of it was still beneath!  
  
"So" I said "Who was it this time?"  
  
"What?" he said in that innocent voice he uses when he has been a bad little boy.  
  
"Who was the poor girl you molested last night"  
  
"Firstly, I did NOT molest her" .I snorted.  
  
"Secondly, it was not last night, it was a few hours ago" My eyes widened he was 1208 for god sake how - oh right, Viagra.  
  
"And thirdly it was not a girl, it was a-" he stopped mid sentence and went very red. I should have listened my mother told me I had married a dim- witted, brainless, lumbering, oaf. They say bad things happen when you marry your brother.  
  
"Look honey; don't be mad I was only away because I had a conversation with a most charming girl-"  
  
"Conversation, is that what you call it?" I snapped  
  
He had had enough so he gave me his I'm king of the gods so I can do what I want so there neh neh neh neh neh look.  
  
My god I hate my husband he just goes off and dose what he wants. I had a wee look at my memo pad to take my mind off the fact I was married to an lout/god/brother/(&^%£-##~-)(*/*.  
  
Memo to Me Do not marry ones brother. PS: Ever PPS: Buy pork burgers for tea PPPS: Call mother PPPPS: Do NOT and I mean NOT let mother know she was right  
  
Right I said to myself what to do, I decided to skip tea, I was getting a bit big round the waste anyway. Well too late for the first one, and the second one. So let's see what we have left  
  
Memo to Me Do not marry ones brother. PS: Ever PPS: Buy pork burgers for tea PPPS: Call mother PPPPS: Do NOT and I mean NOT let mother know she was right  
  
Right, so mother it was.  
  
Oh crap.  
  
I started to dial mums number 01456 8776482598034085388578456340033776354762355476235476654767547257446253745723 5475444579345795090685490680598690869869869689509586089860986098668427346572 3265447267547265472654723654723546354763547654236457264572634276.  
  
I hate long distance calls.  
  
"Hi mum it's me Hera"  
  
Silence  
  
"You know your daughter?"  
  
Silence  
  
"The one that marred her brother?"  
  
Silence  
  
"Zeus?"  
  
"Oh, Hera how are you lass, I told you not to marry him"  
  
Silence, she had hung up on me.  
  
How dose she do that? Frankly it's scary. I hate that woman almost as much as I hate my husband, almost.  
  
How did we get stuck together, Zeus and Me? 


End file.
